Thursday, February 5, 2015

i hate my job?

well who doesnt?

there are times i hate my job.. during times like a quarrel between colleagues. i know i tend to lead things in the office because i feel like no one is doing anything to make things. they just jump into doing things without planning and bring everyone with them. well it is ok when things planned turn out ok. but what if it doesnt? yeah i hate the feeling that i have to be with or in the situation, then what is the point of planning for the team if they are not following it? ok after this i will just wait for orders. and not volunteering. that will make me less pissed inside. because the leader in me is bad. very bad... too bad. i should just play along and follow the leader and stop ordering asking acting like i know everything. ok i am not doing my job right now. yes against the rule of integrity... always stress specially because of this colleague. i was a fool by accepting this job because that time i thought i can say no. but at the same time the place where i used to work is having a problem. and i was stuck. i thought it was my way to run away. well what people always say is right "dont run away from problem it will always come back no matter where i go. ok i am imagining things again.. but it will be ok if they think im not doing my job and they will think... a pause there.. a colleague from another team came by to get some infomation and we had a little chat about work..what possible and what is not,. and another interuption.. a call from our client .. try my best giving an assuring answer.. i think i've cool down now. no one live without a problem.. without a stress.,, and i am sure there is always someone stuck in between.

this year is my third year in this team and work.. i think my true color is showing day by day and pretty sure by the end of this year my bad color is glowing brightly and by next year my team members will see who am i and they should be plotting of getting rid of me.. and i think next year might be just the right time to go away again.. run away again??? when am i going to settle down with my job? if i quit i still have loans to pay. and that is like another 13 to 15 years. and if i grow old i dont have my own family to take care of me except for my sister's children might be if they feel like taking care of this old lady. there i am trying to run away again...

people say that the problem  that come to you is a problem that is something that you can strongly and bravely faced and solve? it is something that you can live on with? is it? no.... it is something that you can handle. and then what? another problem and life goes on and on and on.. this is not a fairy tale, dear me!


Tuesday, February 3, 2015

doo-wop in my ears

not feeling well since last week after the big flood..
eat a lot like really everything i want to eat..
and now listening to doo-wop songs.. the 50s-60s era i feel like living..  huuu...

well ever since i starts with my D.I.M Projects.. 2 out of 4 didn't lasts long. well lessons learnt but  that doesn't stop me from doing another project.. hahahha this time it is cut and cut and make it stand... and turn boxes to a wall decoration .. work is always the same.. but i still cant move in back to my house.. the flood after effect is too much to fix and clear up. have to wait for weekends to come and sweat out.. and these two days my arms are aching.. feel sorry for my parents,, they had done a lot and i couldn't help much.

the flood had turned me to be the son they need to be around. and the strength i have is all that i can offer; a daughter transforms to 'S' the superson! i fit the clark kent nerd look with spectacles   but not that handsome when i transforms and i don't have the eyes that can cut off the wall by just looking. and hey kryptonite doesn't hurts me.. but i'm afraid of the frog..yep.